Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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