Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
