Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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