Do you still have your period?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
