she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
