First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
