3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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