New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
