just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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