Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
