the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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