She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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