I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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