ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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