I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
