i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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