There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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