wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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