your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
zippers are such a cool invention
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
