we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
