i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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