my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
