The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
