This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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