Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
