actually, I'm a sock model
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
