Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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