he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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