He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
