UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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