Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
