someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
