Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
