drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
