who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize