"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
