every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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