Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
