pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
