why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
