his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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