Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
