things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
