I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
