just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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