My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
