Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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