The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize