i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
