he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
