Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
