Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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