my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
