so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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