We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
