So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
