So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
