I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
