My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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