Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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