Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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