You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
