"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my sisters under your porch take her home
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
