There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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