Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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