i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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