I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
