I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
