Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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