I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
