Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
