angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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