Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
