What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize