Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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