My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
