He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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