pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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