We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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