who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is wine microwaveable?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
