sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
