Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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