i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
