can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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