So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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