I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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