To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
