my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize