Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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