You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
