i love accidental penises.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
