Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
