Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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