I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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