btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
