blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
