Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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