Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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