on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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