i barfeds in our rink
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
