i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
