So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize