gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i think my cat just said my name.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
