The maid of honor just puked.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
