what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
