We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
