So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
