i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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