He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
