They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
third nipple confirmed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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