Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We named our party play list daddy issues
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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