saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
ok first of all what the fuck
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
